All certainty slips away when I try to describe a day, my day, as good or bad. Likewise when somebody asks me how I am, how should I respond. Which part of me are you asking about, which aspect of my day, my life, my experience am I to refer to. All my moments weave … Continue reading Letting go of the good or bad: learning to live with grey.
I have been living with chronic illness for a few years now, and I am amazed at how much I am still learning. Not about recovery, or about getting better, but about how to live with sickness, and all that accompanies it. The work of being sick. The appointments, treatments, therapies, and the management of … Continue reading Exercising my agency to exercise my way.
With the other side almost in reach I approach carefully hoping to sneak them out. But what if instead I toss my words over the border, or what if I shout them out for everyone to hear. What would those words be, what message do I have that is so important, so urgent, so necessary and so powerful that I would risk my life for it. Do I have anything THAT important to say.
I hear a murmuring of internal angst. A rumbling and grumbling within me. I feel a bit shirty and annoyed. I want chocolate, surely that will help, or maybe a glass of wine, or even better, both. But why, what is wrong and what is really happening. I stop for a moment and I see. … Continue reading Fear, writing and chocolate
I want to be free from the considerations of my conditions, from the restrictions of my impairments. But I cannot rely on this, or wait for this, or even expect this. I know this. I remind myself again, to instead do the best I can do within these limitations, within these bounds. I have to … Continue reading The real ‘real’ work
I walked into a bookshop a few weeks ago and headed towards the self-help section. I didn’t go straight there, even though from the outset that was my intention. I guess I still feel a little awkward about it, about this urge I have to read self-help books. By browsing through the self-help section I … Continue reading Coming Clean About My Relationship with Self-Help Books
I was talking to my younger sister today and made an off-handed remark about how I need to do some writing as I’m overdue for a new blog post, but I was feeling bored by myself and everything I usually write about, namely me and being sick. So Pam encouraged me to instead write a … Continue reading Expressions of honesty as an act of defiance
At the moment I am doing a online blogging course Blog with Pip, run by Pip Lincolne from Meet me at Mikes. I would happily recommend it to anyone new to, or wanting to improve their blogging. Anyway, an activity she set the other week was to 'Take Stock'. I did it, and I really … Continue reading Taking stock
This week I had my third round of Botox treatment for migraines. The impact of this round will pretty much determine whether I continue to receive the treatment or not. At the moment, after the second round, the feeling of both myself and the neurologist is that it is somewhat effective. But somewhat effective may … Continue reading Botox Round Three
Last week was the fifth anniversary of my mum’s death. And to mark it I submitted my manuscript, Sitting By my Mother's Bedside, to a publisher. (I also cried a bit, bought some flowers and lit a candle and ate some chocolate. But this post is about my manuscript, not the other stuff.) I was … Continue reading My Mum’s Death: An excerpt from my manuscript